wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
