Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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