Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
