he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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