Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
