peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
