Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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