Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
