I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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