what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
