i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
