These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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