we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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