Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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