I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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