You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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