respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
