on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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