Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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