Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
