I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
