don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
