a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
