Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
