I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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