it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
