ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
