He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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