Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
