I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
