I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
