he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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