you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
