Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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