During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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