so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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