I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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