It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
