Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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