You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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