Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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