Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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