trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
