Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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