I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
