considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize