Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
