I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
