Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
3pm strippers are depressing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
