do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
