She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize