they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
