I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
