Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I intend to get homeless drunk
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
