they need to just BURY HIM!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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