the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
