drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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