I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
