She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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