we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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