guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
