I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
