Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love

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(503): View more from Oregon

Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference

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(304): View more from West Virginia

It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."

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(513): View more from Ohio

Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!

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(651): View more from Minnesota

scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles

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