my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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