I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
