He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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