On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
