The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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