All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize