She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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